Meryl’s medical music

Meryl gets little credit for her tireless work as an environmentalist, perhaps because she’s opted to forgo the popular and trendy activities of protecting animals and plants to instead focus on protecting diseases.

It’s an issue that gets little publicity, but someone has to do it and so Meryl has taken up the banner on behalf of endangered diseases everywhere. Without Meryl’s good work, innocent diseases like Polio, Measles, Rubella and Meningitis could become extinct.

All good environmentalists worry about the destruction of habitats through human activities, and the loss of Amazon rainforest as a home for all manner of animals through logging is no more important an issue than the loss of human bodies as a home for diseases through vaccination.

Who will speak for the diseases? Who will protect THEM from dying out? Meryl will!

Meryl is a friend to all diseases, advocating tirelessly on their behalf. She works to correct misconceptions that diseases can injure or kill, explaining instead that they are mild or harmless – even a “gift from a goddess” in the case of Measles. But above all else, Meryl works to protect diseases from harm and ensure they continue to have plenty of human bodies available in which to live and breed.

Vaccination destroys the habitat of Meryl’s favourite diseases, so she opposes it relentlessly. The disappearance of Smallpox was a catastrophic event for the pro-disease community, one which rocked them to the core and brought home just how much we are at risk of losing these diseases from our world forever. Sickness promoters like Meryl swung into action, determined to preserve the diversity of illnesses circulating in our world.

Without Meryl’s efforts, diseases like whooping cough would be contained to small pockets of hippies around the country and Measles would be on the verge of disappearing, like Polio is. Fortunately with Meryl’s help, diseases that were once on the brink of extinction are now coming back strongly. Numbers are growing, populations are becoming self-sustaining as increasing numbers of parents are offering up their children’s bodies as breeding grounds for Meryl’s illnesses. Yes, Meryl is doing a fine job for her cause.

Alas, Meryl gets little respect for her tireless work and we think that $280,000 per year is a grossly inadequate reward for protecting and spreading disease so effectively. So as a small gesture of appreciation, the team over at RtAVM have gifted Meryl a selection of music for her iPod. The songs have been carefully chosen to represent Meryl’s passion and good work in the service of protecting diseases from harm. Here’s her musical top 20:

1. All the Shingle Ladies
2. Rubella Tuesday
3. It’s Raining Meningitis
4. It had TB you
5. My Rubella (ella, ella, ella)
6. I come with the warts down under
7. I like big Mumps and I cannot lie…
8. Polio killed the Radio Star
9. Knowing Measles knowing Flu
10. I don’t wanna HiB without you…
11. M-M-M-My Sha-Rotavirus
12. Stuck in the middle with Flu
13. My Mumps, My Lovely Lady Mumps
14. HPV, easy as 123
15. Girls just wanna have Mumps
16. She blinded me with pseudo-science
17. Just the Tetanus (We can make it if we try)
18. Salk on by
19. Take a chance of Measles
20. Ain’t no stopping Tetanus now

Enjoy, Meryl!

Meryl’s money mystery

Is Meryl broke or wealthy?

She certainly cries poor to soak extra cash out of her gullible followers whenever she has a bill to pay or wants a new computer. But then there is that $150,000 per year unaccounted for in the AVN’s official figures – and she is the only hands-on officer of the organisation. Hmmm…

Meryl’s makeup hypocrisy

Not content with with $150,000+ that “disappears” from the AVN accounts each year, Meryl has long had an online business selling makeup to supplement her income as editor of a non-existent magazine.

Oh, but wait a minute gullible AVN cult members! Don’t look too closely…after all, Meryl often insists she shouldn’t be judged by the standards she applies to everyone else…

Errr, little bit of a conflict with the naturalistic fallacies you usually push, Meryl. Oh dear…